After announcing to the whole world that we were pregnant with our first child, I started getting A LOT of advice from other moms, relatives, friends, colleagues, doctors, nurses even janitors and salesladies in a store. Buy this, buy that, read this, read that, do this, do that. I ended up being the most paranoid mom you could ever imagine. I was anxious and restless 24/7. There was never an incident where I did not blame myself for something that went wrong – Phoebe getting colds, bumping her head, falling off the bed, falling off the crib, not gaining weight, not pooping, not wetting her diapers. Yes, I was a wreck during my first months as a mom. I was a regular caller at the pediatrician’s office. Once, they put me on hold for 30 minutes, maybe hoping that I would eventually hang up. I did not. I waited because I was so certain that knowing whether I can use a hairband over Phoebe’s soft spot is a matter of life and death.
I was afraid to get up in the morning because I always knew something would not go as planned. The result? I got upset over every single disappointment, mistake and minor accident. How I wish I’d known better. Ugh, if I had only known that…
1. Babies need not be checked by their moms every 1o minutes at night.
They’ll cry if they need something from you. To get more quality ZZZs at night, try using a movement sensor with an alarm that comes off if the baby stops breathing for longer than 20 seconds. See if it suits your routine and drop it if it makes you check the alarm as frequent as you have been checking on your baby.
2. Babies do not cry for longer periods because they don’t like you.
It’s actually the other way around. They cry because they want to be held closer.
3. Babies’ body temperature need not be checked after every diaper change.
I admit, I did this until Phoebe turned 6 months. Although I could actually tell by just kissing her forehead if she has an unusually high temperature, I still needed a confirmation. This habit was time consuming and unnecessary.
4. Babies do not need all the expensive electronic toys in the market.
A small towel for peekaboo would do.
5. Babies do not have to gain at least 2 pounds a month in their first year.
Listen to what your pediatrician has to say about it, absorb it, take deep breaths, free your mind and sleep tight.
6. Babies need not be breastfed in order to thrive.
Don’t force it if it’s not working. You will end up resenting the task. Remember that babies benefit more from a happy relationship with their moms.
7. “A typical child will catch between five to eight colds in a year – maybe even more if there are siblings around.” – says Karen Miles from the Babycenter Medical Advisory Board.
A total of 1 billion colds strike every year in the US so unless your child is younger than 3 months, try to keep your child at home, call the pediatrician then wait and see.
8. A baby’s soft spot is not as vulnerable as it seems.
It actually protects the baby’s brain because it allows the bones to move a little in case of a bump or fall. Unless your child falls over a TV antenna and gets struck by it exactly through the soft spot (I haven’t heard of one single case of an antenna accident, though), there’s no need to rush her to the ER just because you accidentally touched it. I now know that a baby’s head can endure a lot more than what we moms think.
9. A baby’s head does not have a perfect surface.
Bumps and dents are normal in most cases. If something bothers you, ask your pediatrician or even seek a second opinion. Just wait a few more months and see how it develops. Remember though that in the majority of the cases, bumps and dents on the baby’s head have been considered harmless.
10. Your baby will survive without you.
I have always been very hesitant in leaving Phoebe in someone else’s care – even if it’s my husband or my mom. I give them a long list of things to do and watch out for. I was thinking that if I am not capable of doing everything right, who else can? But to my astonishment, nothing bad has ever happened after leaving her with someone else, no accidents, no crying for longer periods, no colic or emotional trauma.
11. SIDS is something to think about but it should not paralyze you in anyway.
I refused having Phoebe sleep on my husband’s chest because of the fear of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). One time, even though Phoebe was sound asleep on her dad’s chest, I woke them both up. What did I get? A cranky baby and an agitated husband. SIDS is a cause for concern but parents should know how to strike a balance between anxieties and real risks. Remember that when your baby turns 6 months, the risk of SIDS is significantly lower. Relax and let him enjoy rolling over on his/her tummy.
12. You should always follow your instincts.
Regardless of the age, experience, educational background, I realized that moms are in nature very intelligent individuals. If we would just believe in ourselves more, I know we can make pretty good judgments in every situation. Fact is, we know our child better than anybody else. Intuition always works best in taking care of our children.
I am sure there are a lot more myths and old wives’ tale that you’ve heard. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Share your own experiences and realizations in the comments section below. There are a lot of first time moms out there still desperately figuring out what’s left and right.
Photo by Kevin Dooley (http://www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley/ / CC BY 2.0)
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I can totally relate with you. I’m a first time mom too and there are days where I feel so exhausted – maybe because I worry too much. I think I should try to relax more so I can enjoy the time I spend with my son (23 months). Thank you for this post!