Who’s the Better Parent?

A lot has been written about moms. Newspaper articles, blogs, TV shows talk about everything – from puke to poop, mommy tips, mommy confessions, mommy’s frustrations and rantings. Is it just me or are we missing something important here? How about dads? Where do they fit in the picture of parenting?

Nowhere?

Today at Phoebe’s music class, the majority of the attendees were moms. There were only two dads. One of them came in late. It was obvious that it was his first time. One of the know-it-all moms blurted out to him:

“Playing nanny today, huh?”

The blushing dad just smiled. I personally thought that the comment was offensive and uncalled for. What if this dad REALLY decided to stay at home and be a PARENT to his child? Why is it that dads are being branded as the breadwinners and moms as THE primary caregiver? And what’s with all the “Mommy and Baby” classes you can see everywhere? Mommy and Baby Yoga Class, Mommy and Baby Swimming Class? Funny how we, women, sometimes complain about being discriminated here and there when it is actually the other way around (when it comes to parenting at least).

Thinking that only moms are involved in children’s life is insulting. Of course, dads might show less interest in how many times their babies pooped in one day. They might not know by heart when and where their babies first clapped, yawned or held their head high. But it doesn’t mean they care less than we do.

There are the exceptions, of course – I’ve heard of dads who just don’t seem interested in anything aside from work and career. They think they’re failing their family if they don’t provide enough. There’s too much load and too much pressure. But who’s to blame when dads think this way?

We are.

We sometimes let them think that they are second class parents – incapable of changing a poopy diaper or dressing our children in “matching” clothes. We, moms, make the hell out of them when they forget to put butt cream or dress our little one with a yellow top and red pants. We assume they’re not interested and exclude them in our “mommy and baby” activities.

I might not (always) admit it openly but I know that my husband has better parenting skills than I do. They come in naturally – not from any parenting magazines, books or mommy blogs. He has the patience of a monk and the energy of a marathon runner. No complaints, episodes of self-pity or frustration. When he comes home from a long day at work, he’d change in his “Daddy clothes” and start chasing Phoebe around the house – always full of energy, as if he had never been at work.

When I am at a playground and meet other moms, the usual conversation starter would be: “How old is your child?”. Then, we, moms start to silently compare their kids with our own.

Oh, your kid does that already? Oh, your kid is not doing this yet?

It’s always like reciting a chart of your child’s milestones and justifying all the delays. It is unnerving and annoying. Because of this, sometimes, first-time-mommy-playground-goers never come back (and I was no exception).

Dads NEVER do this.

If something’s not going well with their child – they admit it right away, no excuses, no pretenses. If something’s bothering them about their child, they SAY it and not judge themselves for not being the perfect parent. If their child’s sick, they don’t rush to the ER right away. They breathe. They don’t hyperventilate just because their child has a runny nose and a fever. They think – rationally.

Patience, rational thinking, understanding and love – what else can a parent give to their child? Moms have a lot to learn from dads. And I feel sorry for those fathers who do not get the credits and respect they deserve.

Don’t get me wrong, parenting should never be seen as a competition between moms and dads. But if it were – we, moms could be more compelled to lose.