When I woke up this morning, I knew that the dreaded day has come. Looking at my cellphone beside my pillow, I saw nine missed calls from my Dad. At that moment, I knew what happened – my grandmother died. I found out she died in my Dad’s arms. How odd, I thought to myself. Really strange.

They were not close. Nope, not at all. No birthday cards, no Christmas packages, no phone calls all these years. But yet, hearing my Dad talk on the phone, made my heart melt with guilt. I thought wrongly about my grandmother. My Dad loved her inspite of her imperfection. Why can’t I?

She was not the perfect mom. Neither was she the perfect grandmother. But she raised perfect children and gave me the perfect father. That’s all that matters to us. There has never been too much public display of affection in their family but who cares? Who needs the drama? Who needs empty well-wishes?

She has been the unsung hero of the family. She had a bumpy start in her life as a mom but she never quit. She brought her entire family the opportunity of a lifetime – a new start in life.  She opened our door to the land of opportunities and for that, we will be forever thankful to her.

Nope, she was not perfect but she never forgot. She’s always been there. With or without greeting cards, one thing I know for sure – moms NEVER forget.

Photo by:

As promised in my previous post, below are some tips on how you can avoid the morning drama at school.  Try them and share your experiences in the comments section below.

1. Security Cloak

Bring your child’s favorite stuffed toy that she can cuddle with during nap time. Although Phoebe never used a “security” blanket/toy, I was told that it really helped her fall asleep on her first 2 days.

2. Be Open

A week before Phoebe’s first day, my husband and I attended our first parents-teachers meeting. I got everything ready – camera, Phoebe dressed up in a cute little dress for my Facebook pictures and yes, a list – a list of all my questions, concerns, requests and endless reminders to the teachers. It was not easy to talk about my little angel’s tantrum fits, screaming episodes and acting jobs but I knew I had to blurt it out in the open. The more information the teachers would get from me, the better they would be able to handle Phoebe. To make me feel comfortable, the teachers reminded me that every child has had his own “moments” in class. They’d be surprised if the transition would be too easy for Phoebe.

3. Back up

Phoebe went on hunger strike in her first week of class. So the following week, I prepared her lunch and packed “back-up” food in her lunch box. I bought everything she loves eating – chicken nuggets, yoghurt, animal crackers, apple juice (in Elmo juice boxes) and brought them to school as part of the contingency plan. It worked. Well, she ended up eating ONLY her back-up food (as expected) but at least she didn’t have an empty stomach while playing. After a few more days of back-up food, she eventually started eating her lunch in tiny bits and that made me one happy mommy.

4. Know When to Leave

Phoebe’s first day was horrible. I felt bad because she did not have a clue of what’s going to happen. After taking tons of pictures of her first snack, first meal with her classmates, I knew I had to go soon. But I didn’t. I waited until they went out to the outdoor playground. In hindsight, I think staying that long was not necessary. I thought Phoebe would have a hard time parting from me but it was actually the other way around – it was more difficult for me. I did not leave after 10 minutes (as discussed with the teachers) because I couldn’t.  I was told that Phoebe stopped crying after a few minutes while I was still in the parking lot crying my heart out for 30 minutes. We, parents, need to know when to leave and let go. Believe it or not, it would be easier for our children too.

5. Talk Talk Talk

We, parents sometimes underestimate the capacity of our children to understand. Thinking back, I wish I talked to Phoebe more about school. Children may not understand each word we say but they have a very keen ability to know and feel what’s going on around them. It might or might not help her adjust but it is better than not to try at all. Even as an adult, I would hate it if someone would just drag me to an event without any explanation.

6. Be quick

Long and dramatic goodbyes would never work. It would just make matters worse. A quick kiss, wave of hand and “goodbye and have fun” may not be what many parents (like myself) would want to do but it is the more effective way to say goodbye to your child. It will not be easy but that’s how we can send them the right signal – that being without mom or dad for a few hours is not as bad as they think. Long goodbyes would make them feel more anxious and confused. Casual goodbyes work best.

Sometimes A lot of times, it’s the little things that make a huge difference in our children’s lives.

What worked for you and your child? Share your experiences in the comments section below.

August 4, 2009 – Phoebe’s big day. It was her first day in a group care after being solely with me for almost two years. A few months ago, I made a list of the things I’ve been dying to do if I’d be blessed with more alone time. I couldn’t wait to drop her off, wave goodbye and rush back home to the books and DVDs that have been untouched for quite some time. Yes, I was silently counting the days to my “freedom”.

Weeks passed and to my surprise, the excitement slowly wore off. I started to feel it – the anxiety, guilt and self-doubt.

Are we really doing the right thing?

Then came the dreaded day. Phoebe was in good spirits. She ran around the house humming her favorite nursery songs, not knowing what lies ahead of her. It made me feel worse. My heart melted of guilt.

Are we really doing the right thing?

When it was time to leave her, I braced myself for the worst – screams, tantrums, wails. After a quick goodbye and a kiss on the forehead, she looked up then went on playing with the other kids on the water table. That’s it? She cried, of course (for a minute or so according to her teachers) but when I picked her up in the afternoon, she was happily “chatting” with another girl in her group. I looked at her for a few seconds, not wanting to interrupt the awfully cute scene that reminded me of a younger version of 90210.

Are we doing the right thing?

I honestly don’t know. But I guess that’s the beauty of parenting – there’s no right answer, no correct decision, no perfect strategy. Just gut feel and love.

If you are planning to have your children start school soon, here are some tips that helped us during the transition period. Who knows, it could work for you too.

Check out this post: Six Easy Ways to Ease Your Child’s Anxiety

First time parents including myself tend to overdo a lot of things. We’ve been “taught” by other parents, relatives and friends to constantly give words of praise to our children. But can praising be bad for our children too?

Yes, if done incorrectly.

Here are some things you might want to think of  before eagerly expressing your approval to your little one:

1. Never hype it up.

Overpraising (applause, loud verbal praising) might work for young toddlers (12 months to 18 months) but not for older toddlers. Older children (3 years onwards) might even feel ridiculed if parents make such a big deal out of everything they do.

Now that Phoebe is almost 2, I noticed that she appreciates other gestures more – receiving stickers, getting a hand stamp or just a simple nod and smile. Too much hype on praising could result with your child not trusting compliments or needing constant acknowledgment to feel happy and self worthy.

2. Be specific

Focus on what your child has accomplished – “Thanks for cleaning up your toys, that was very nice of you!” instead of just saying “You are the best!”. The first one emphasized the behavior you liked. The second one is just too vague and if repeated frequently, it might lose its impact on the child.

3. Acknowledge every effort

Our children need to feel that although they don’t get the result they wanted right away, their efforts are being appreciated. Phoebe is still having a hard time fitting puzzle pieces into the puzzle board. To encourage her, I would always say, “Good try, finding the “M” in the puzzle! That was very clever!”. It seems to be working. She would look at me with proud eyes and move on to the next letter.

4. Never give praise then take it back

“It’s good that you picked up the puzzle pieces. But you should have done that earlier so you could go to bed on time!” This kind of acknowledgment gives children the feeling that a “but” will always follow after each compliment. It could be hard for them to feel appreciated. They would never know if someone truly approves of their behavior.

This is not the end of the list. Again, every child is different and moms are getting more and more creative when it comes to praising their children. Share what you know and what has worked for you and your child.

How do you give compliments to your child?

A lot has been written about moms. Newspaper articles, blogs, TV shows talk about everything – from puke to poop, mommy tips, mommy confessions, mommy’s frustrations and rantings. Is it just me or are we missing something important here? How about dads? Where do they fit in the picture of parenting?

Nowhere?

Today at Phoebe’s music class, the majority of the attendees were moms. There were only two dads. One of them came in late. It was obvious that it was his first time. One of the know-it-all moms blurted out to him:

“Playing nanny today, huh?”

The blushing dad just smiled. I personally thought that the comment was offensive and uncalled for. What if this dad REALLY decided to stay at home and be a PARENT to his child? Why is it that dads are being branded as the breadwinners and moms as THE primary caregiver? And what’s with all the “Mommy and Baby” classes you can see everywhere? Mommy and Baby Yoga Class, Mommy and Baby Swimming Class? Funny how we, women, sometimes complain about being discriminated here and there when it is actually the other way around (when it comes to parenting at least).

Thinking that only moms are involved in children’s life is insulting. Of course, dads might show less interest in how many times their babies pooped in one day. They might not know by heart when and where their babies first clapped, yawned or held their head high. But it doesn’t mean they care less than we do.

There are the exceptions, of course – I’ve heard of dads who just don’t seem interested in anything aside from work and career. They think they’re failing their family if they don’t provide enough. There’s too much load and too much pressure. But who’s to blame when dads think this way?

We are.

We sometimes let them think that they are second class parents – incapable of changing a poopy diaper or dressing our children in “matching” clothes. We, moms, make the hell out of them when they forget to put butt cream or dress our little one with a yellow top and red pants. We assume they’re not interested and exclude them in our “mommy and baby” activities.

I might not (always) admit it openly but I know that my husband has better parenting skills than I do. They come in naturally – not from any parenting magazines, books or mommy blogs. He has the patience of a monk and the energy of a marathon runner. No complaints, episodes of self-pity or frustration. When he comes home from a long day at work, he’d change in his “Daddy clothes” and start chasing Phoebe around the house – always full of energy, as if he had never been at work.

When I am at a playground and meet other moms, the usual conversation starter would be: “How old is your child?”. Then, we, moms start to silently compare their kids with our own.

Oh, your kid does that already? Oh, your kid is not doing this yet?

It’s always like reciting a chart of your child’s milestones and justifying all the delays. It is unnerving and annoying. Because of this, sometimes, first-time-mommy-playground-goers never come back (and I was no exception).

Dads NEVER do this.

If something’s not going well with their child – they admit it right away, no excuses, no pretenses. If something’s bothering them about their child, they SAY it and not judge themselves for not being the perfect parent. If their child’s sick, they don’t rush to the ER right away. They breathe. They don’t hyperventilate just because their child has a runny nose and a fever. They think – rationally.

Patience, rational thinking, understanding and love – what else can a parent give to their child? Moms have a lot to learn from dads. And I feel sorry for those fathers who do not get the credits and respect they deserve.

Don’t get me wrong, parenting should never be seen as a competition between moms and dads. But if it were – we, moms could be more compelled to lose.

Having kids is expensive. As  a Stay at Home Mom, there were a lot of times where I wished I could make my own monetary contribution. It pays out to be a bit creative. In these series of posts, I’d like to share some of my ideas on how to stretch your budget and maximize the use of what you already got.

Fact is, we do not always have to opt to use all the fancy tools available in the market. If you read on, you’ll be amazed with the the things you can do with your everyday items.

What are the advantages?

You’d reduce the use of harsh chemicals in your home and the items cost much less. Besides, recycling can never be bad for the environment.

Here are a few examples:

Baby Powder

• Eliminate oil stains from clothing (Using a powder puff, dabb the stain with baby powder, rub it then remove the excess powder. Then repeat if necessary.) 

• Removal of molds from books (Let the books air-dry, sprinkle some baby powder and let them stand upright for at least 24 hours then brush off any excess powder.)

• Bed sheets cooler (Try sprinkling baby powder on your sheets before hopping in bed.)

• Playing cards cleaner (Put the cards inside a plastic bag, sprinkle them with baby powder, then shake the bag. This will give the cards a fresh and smooth feel.)

• Damage control for sand-covered kids (Sprinkle them with baby powder then brush off the sand from their bodies)

Baby Wipes

• All-around cleaner (Wipes are the perfect travel companion. Never go on a road trip without an extra pack.)

• Bathroom quickie (Use them to wipe the bathroom surfaces then add some shine by using a dry cleaning cloth.)

• Skin soother (Because they are made for baby’s sensitive skin, they are perfect for temporarily soothing sunburnt skin.)

• Makeup remover (They come in handy especially for removing stubborn makeup like eyeliner. Definitely a better alternative than the chemicals in the usual removers.)

Baby Wipes Containers

• Storage container (We use our doubles for crayons, receipts and bills. Remove the label and decorate them with your kids to make cleanup more interesting for them.)

• Guest boxes (Place small wallet-size maps, guides, train schedules, pocket size toiletries such as shampoo, conditioner, hand sanitizer – or anything that they might need – inside the container. Again, you can either let your kids paint on them or you can wrap the lower part with a strip of nice gift wrap. You may also print out something funny like a clipart then paste it on the cover.)

• Ribbon dispenser (Remove the label, place a yarn or a gift packaging ribbon, thread it through the lid then let your kids paint on the container for a personalized look.)

• Shopping bag dispenser (A baby wipes container can hold up to 50 bags, if tightly squeezed. Place one container in the car and another in your kitchen as a reminder to reuse your shopping bags as often as possible.)

There must be a reason why the authors of the famous fairy tales (even J.K.Rowling) end up killing the mom in the story, or worse yet they don’t even bother mentioning them in the entire plot:

Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Pocahontas, Little Mermaid, Mulan, Nemo (mom gets eaten), Bambi (mom gets shot) and now even Harry Potter. They either became orphans shortly after being born or they were taken away from their mothers.

Was it because of the cholera or plague in the old days? Childbirth perhaps? Or was it because of the rumor that Roy Disney grew up without a mom?

At first I thought it’s the risk factor. If there were moms in these stories, the authors would have a hard time making their characters run off with the first prince they see, face the all-time dark wizard or give up their voice in exchange for legs. Cinderella would not have worn rags or talked to mice and birds and Belle would not have lived with the Beast in exchange for her dad’s life. Their moms would have simply said NO. Period. End of story.

The stories would have been a complete bore. No action. No twists. All because there’s a mom in the picture.

On the other hand, Harry wouldn’t be THE hero in the wizard world, Cinderella and Snow White would not have met their princes and the Little Mermaid would still have a tail!

What are these stories suggesting? That children are better off without their moms?

I hope not.

Then I realized it could also be the vulnerability factor. The authors need to break the protective walls of these characters to give the villains the chance to perform their evil deeds. If there were a mom, there wouldn’t be the wicked stepmom that made life harder for Cinderella and even tried to kill Snow White twice. Our favorite princesses would have all led happy lives right from the start. Every mom would sacrifice her own life to protect her child. And that’s the truth – even in real life. Being without a mom, these characters are being portrayed as helpless, unprotected and defenseless. Yes, moms are that important.

I’d like to believe that this is the motive why moms don’t get that much “screen” time in children’s stories.

If Phoebe would ask me the question why moms get killed in the books we read, I’d know what to say.

Photo by Kjirstin  (http://www.flickr.com/photos/kjirstinb/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Every now and then, I get comments that make me grind my teeth really hard. Here are some that made it to my list of the most inappropriate comments that should be avoided when talking to a mom:

1. “Your house is such a mess!”

Tell this to a mom of a newborn and you’ll be amazed with how fast you could cause a meltdown with merely six words.

To all expectant mothers: Limit your guests during the first weeks after the delivery to close relatives who could (and are willing to) help out. This will give you time to settle into your new routine.

To guests: Be sensitive – at all times.

2. “For heaven’s sake, give your child a bottle!”

A few weeks ago, while standing in line at a cash register in Costco, I heard one of the staff scream at a mom (carrying her baby on a sling in one hand and her toddler in the other hand while trying to get money from her purse) because her little baby has been crying non-stop for (maybe) five minutes. The Costco employee lost it – she shouted at the mom:  “For heaven’s sake, give your child a bottle!”. I felt sorry for the mom who just looked down while gently patting her baby’s back. If I were in that mom’s shoes, I’d give the lady a fake smile while silently performing some wicked spells on her.

3. “Stop spoiling your child!”

Give this “advice” to a mom who is trying to talk to her kid in a low and calm voice during her kid’s screaming fit. If you’re lucky, you might only get a stare down but on a bad day, you could get yourself into a lot of trouble. Never get too close to a frustrated mom.

Remember that different parenting strategies work for different children. The majority of parents I know (including myself) are struggling to find out the most appropriate approach for their children. Telling us how we should do it in a know-it-all tone would just make matters worse.

4. “Bad hair day, huh?”

I was in hibernation mode during Phoebe’s first year. I never left the house unless it was a matter of life and death. For me, nothing could be that important to go through the 2-hour ordeal of dressing up and preparing the diaper bag. But there are times where we really had to go out of the house. It took so much time and energy to get everything done. And the last thing on my mind was to look at myself in the mirror. So when a neighbor once asked me if  I was having a bad hair day (in her failed attempt to sound funny), I wanted to pull out every single strand of her ugly, badly colored hair (no, I’m not that bitter anymore).

5. “How far along are you?”

I don’t know how celebrities do it but I still haven’t lost my baby belly. But I do exert some effort to lose weight – I bought dumbbells, run a few minutes on the cross trainer every now and then and do some situps. But the stubborn side flaps in my tummy area would just not go away! It’s frustrating!

So if you’re not that sure if a woman is pregnant or not – don’t dare ask at all. Please. For world peace’s sake.

6. “So this is what you do the whole day?”

Every parent would know how much time and energy go into taking care of a small child. I didn’t know that I would have the drive to play tea party for hours, the enthusiasm to read “The Gingerbread Boy” at least three times a day or sing the “Wheels on the Bus” even when I’m still half asleep.

When someone asked me if all I do the whole day is take care of Phoebe, I felt insulted. But then I realized, not everyone has had the opportunity to experience the parenting challenges firsthand so I let it pass. Being a parent is like climbing Mt. Everest – you’d never know how it feels to be on top unless you go through the steep and rough road yourself.

Now I know that bad karma really exists. I used to think differently about other parents – blamed them for not raising a well-behaved child, having a cluttered house or being dressed as if they just jumped out of bed. I was insensitive and ignorant. But now I know better (I think).

Feel free to share about comments that made your blood reach its boiling point. Add to my list in the comments section below.

Photo by teotwawki http://www.flickr.com/photos/teotwawki/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

In a previous post about time mismanagement, I mentioned that one of the effective strategies for time management is to create a mind map.

What is mindmapping?

It is about creating a chart (in your mind or in written form) that will help you visualize the tasks for the goals that you want to accomplish. These tasks are linked to solutions and alternatives. As with regards to time, a mind map for your time would typically include the activities and the time of the day. Your first mind map doesn’t have to be a detailed schedule. I personally think that a simple one, listing only the times when your day starts and ends would work best at the beginning because it allows you to have an overview of the spaces in your schedule where you can fit in the different activities you want to do for a certain day.

Step 1: DETERMINE

Determine the amount of time you have during the day to which you can allocate certain tasks. You can do this by writing down when you usually wake up, eat and go to bed. Example:

8 a.m. Wake

12 noon: Lunch

7 p.m.: Dinner

12 midnight: Bedtime

Step 2: IDENTIFY

Identify your goals and use these goals as categories in your mind map. Here are some examples:

Me time, Marriage Time, Kids Time, Family Time, Finance Time, Learning Time, Work Time (if applicable)

Step 3: LIST

List the activities you need to accomplish then categorize (use your goals to categorize).

Example:

Me time: jogging, leisure reading, shower, haircut, manicure, gaming, blogging

Marriage time: quiet time with husband, watch TV, walks

Kids Time: reading to kids, helping kids with homework, art work, bathing

Family time: outdoor activities, household chores

Finance time: paying bills, budget review, completing tax return forms

Learning time: reading, learning how to master an instrument, following the news on TV or reading the newspaper

Work time (if applicable): writing, completing reports, paperwork, meetings, seminars

Step 3: ELIMINATE

Get rid of activities that you did for a goal that is no longer important to you. Look at your mind map – it will give you an overview of how limited time you actually have. By doing this, you’ll be more selective in choosing the tasks worthy of your time.

I find it for example more efficient to do the major household chores on weekends. This way, I can do the tasks without interruption while my husband looks after Phoebe. I also noticed that we now seldom watch the news on TV. Instead, we subscribed to CNN’s email service which sends us important news on our phone. Also, when my husband is driving, I’d take out my phone and read the news during the car ride.

One more thing: Remember that the activities you eliminated could be done by someone else. Sometimes it is even wiser to delegate the tasks because somebody else (at work or in your household) could get it done faster or even better (examples of tasks that you can delegate: cooking, cleaning or bill paying).By getting rid of some activities or delegating tasks to others, you get more time for other activities that only you can do like helping your kids with the homework, reading to your baby, spending quality time with your spouse or going to the gym.

Step 4: ASSIGN

Assign a certain time slot for a certain activity or category. Here are some guidelines to give you an idea:

• Do the activities in one category on the same time slot (phone calls, emails, errands)
• Do a dry run of your mind map (try out your schedule for a week then adjust if necessary)
• Be sure you have the right energy level and motivation for the task on the time slot you allotted. (gym workouts in the morning, creative writing at night, playtime with your kids in the afternoons, reading sessions in the morning)
• Consider others’ schedule (family time before dinner, time with husband after kids’ bedtime, phone calls in the morning during office hours)

Here’s my weekday schedule as an example:

7:00: Wake up

7:00 – 12:30: FAMILY TIME – Breakfast, Dressing, Reading, Playtime

12:30 – 1:30: Lunch

1:30 – 2:00: Phoebe’s bathing time

2:00 – 4:00: ME TIME (Phoebe’s mid-day nap) – Creative Writing/Reading

4:00 – 7:30: FAMILY TIME – Laundry, Dinner Preparation, Dinner, Cleanup

7:30 – 9:00: KIDS TIME - Playtime, Bath

9:00 – 10:00: ME TIME – Shower

10:00 – 11:00: MARRIAGE TIME (after Phoebe’s bedtime) – Quiet time with husband, TV while folding clothes

11:00 – 12:00: ME TIME – Reading, Relaxation, Creative Writing/Photography/Gaming

12:00:  Sleep

Step 5: CHOOSE

For someone who is really serious about time management, a planner is an essential tool. May it be paper-based, electronic or computer-based, everyone should have one that he/she is comfortable with. Do not buy multiple planners for this will confuse you even more and make you forget about appointments that you might have written in another planner. Stick to one for at least two months then observe what’s working and not (layout, quantity of information, outside appearance). If needed, you can buy a different one after your two-month trial period. Remember that you can never go wrong with any planner. If your plan does not work as expected, you may have to review your mind map and make necessary adjustments but never rush to the nearest store to buy a new planner hoping that it will solve the flaw of your schedule.

Step 6: ASSESS

I have my mind map for several months now but since Phoebe goes through different stages as she gets older, I need to review my schedule and make some adjustments every now and then. I cannot say that my current mind map is the most suitable to my family but I noticed that I get more things done now than before (even when I was still single). Weird huh? It’s all about having an overview of the amount of time you have and what you really want to do with your time.  Be flexible and willing to rethink your mind map if necessary.

Disclaimer: Remember that these are only examples/tips that could help you figure out what could work best for you and your family. Finalising your schedule should be a team effort with your husband and kids (if they’re old enough).

Feel free to make some comments below or even share your own suggestions!

Photo 1 by: Dusan.Writer http://www.flickr.com/photos/13768013@N05/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Photo 2 by: kengo http://www.flickr.com/photos/kengo/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

]]> http://www.risefallneverquit.com/organization-clutter-free-motherhood-home/creating-a-mind-map-for-your-time/feed 0 http://www.risefallneverquit.com/organization-clutter-free-motherhood-home/time-mismanagement-101 http://www.risefallneverquit.com/organization-clutter-free-motherhood-home/time-mismanagement-101#comments Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:11:59 +0000 Rowena http://www.risefallneverquit.com/?p=545

I used to be a very organized person but as a mom of an active toddler, it’s easy to make an excuse for not getting things done. At some point, I had so many things in my mind and a whirlwind of nonstop activity but I actually could not accomplish anything on my to-do list. I agree that having kids could throw you out of board but could that be the only culprit for time mismanagement?

Definitely not.

If you insist on joining the club of chaotic moms – be my guest. Here’s the foolproof way to get in:

1. Overschedule

A lot of people (including myself) forget that we can only do so much for a certain period of time. Now I know that the ability to multitask is a gift that I just don’t have (as much as I want to). Once, I tried to do four things at once -  feed Phoebe, do the laundry, write emails and steam veggies – all at the same time.  I ended up sending my email to the wrong person while I forced myself to eat overcooked veggies (as expected, I forgot to turn off the steamer). And yes, because our feeding session did not go smoothly as planned, I forgot to dry the clothes and had to wash them all over again. Unfortunately, time is not a storage container that comes in different sizes. It is not a variable. If not used wisely, it will create more problems that will keep you from doing what is REALLY important. Keep on trying to fit more things into your schedule and you’ll definitely lose control of your time – 100% guaranteed.

2. Be a supermom

Sign up your little one in ALL baby classes she could attend, go to ALL playdates, attend ALL parties (even if it means three birthday parties on one day), set unrealistic deadlines to your to-do tasks, have a rigid schedule and beat yourself up if you don’t get things done. If you do all these for a couple of months then you better start looking for a mental institution in your area as early as possible.

3. Forget that you need to rest too

Many people make themselves too busy to escape personal issues – a  challenging marriage, other troubled relationships and other issues that they are not yet ready to tackle. Being a parent and a wife is not an easy job but it is manageable if you give yourself enough time to regain your energy and refocus after every task.  Still, a lot of moms suffer from what I call SDS (Self Destruction Syndrome). They neglect themselves, get frustrated easily and blame other people for their misery.

4. Forget about your goals and priorities.

Many people, not only moms, struggle to set their priorities right. I admit that I still lack the ability to know what’s important and not. But I realized that this is a crucial factor to avoid a chaotic schedule. In today’s world, there are many high technology tools that claim to help us unclutter our life but if we don’t know what we want to do with our time, it’s hard to put these tools into use. I used to have endless to-do lists but yet on most days, i was not even able to look at them because I had to deal with other unpredictable crises at home that needed my immediate attention. One friend I know complained of not having the time to look for a job. She then realized that time was not the the real culprit, it was her indecisiveness – she was not really sure what she wants to do with her life!

5. Make a tight schedule

Waiting until the last minute before getting things done might have worked for me back in my college days but not anymore. Cramming for the exams, (literally) last minute revisions of a school project or submitting school forms a few minutes before the office closes made me think that I can make the impossible happen (because I always passed). But I realized that if I’m given too much free time, I become nonproductive and listless.

Now I know that I should always have a plan on when and how I can cut those to-do lists. I started planning for more structured leisure activities and allocated a certain day for a particular task or hobby (scrapbooking on Mondays, blogging on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, photography on Thursdays). I put “more important” activities like paying bills, budget review, household chores on my weekend list because these tasks require more time and my full attention.

Lesson learned: Try to be realistic with your goals and allow your schedule to “breathe”. Remember that the first sign of a disorganized home is an overflowing closet so why cram your time with unnecessary activities?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not an organizing guru when it comes to time management. I still wish a day would have at least 48 hours because there’s still so much to do but a predetermined “mind map” gives me the feeling that I am in control and I will eventually get everything done on a certain day. And that made a huge difference.

Click here to read my article on mindmapping.

Photo by Bigblue: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeffhester/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0