by Rowena on December 31, 2009
When I woke up this morning, I knew that the dreaded day has come. Looking at my cellphone beside my pillow, I saw nine missed calls from my Dad. At that moment, I knew what happened – my grandmother died. I found out she died in my Dad’s arms. How odd, I thought to myself. Really strange.
They were not close. Nope, not at all. No birthday cards, no Christmas packages, no phone calls all these years. But yet, hearing my Dad talk on the phone, made my heart melt with guilt. I thought wrongly about my grandmother. My Dad loved her inspite of her imperfection. Why can’t I?
She was not the perfect mom. Neither was she the perfect grandmother. But she raised perfect children and gave me the perfect father. That’s all that matters to us. There has never been too much public display of affection in their family but who cares? Who needs the drama? Who needs empty well-wishes?
She has been the unsung hero of the family. She had a bumpy start in her life as a mom but she never quit. She brought her entire family the opportunity of a lifetime – a new start in life. She opened our door to the land of opportunities and for that, we will be forever thankful to her.
Nope, she was not perfect but she never forgot. She’s always been there. With or without greeting cards, one thing I know for sure – moms NEVER forget.
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by Rowena on December 23, 2009
As promised in my previous post, below are some tips on how you can avoid the morning drama at school. Try them and share your experiences in the comments section below.
1. Security Cloak
Bring your child’s favorite stuffed toy that she can cuddle with during nap time. Although Phoebe never used a “security” blanket/toy, I was told that it really helped her fall asleep on her first 2 days.
2. Be Open
A week before Phoebe’s first day, my husband and I attended our first parents-teachers meeting. I got everything ready – camera, Phoebe dressed up in a cute little dress for my Facebook pictures and yes, a list – a list of all my questions, concerns, requests and endless reminders to the teachers. It was not easy to talk about my little angel’s tantrum fits, screaming episodes and acting jobs but I knew I had to blurt it out in the open. The more information the teachers would get from me, the better they would be able to handle Phoebe. To make me feel comfortable, the teachers reminded me that every child has had his own “moments” in class. They’d be surprised if the transition would be too easy for Phoebe.
3. Back up
Phoebe went on hunger strike in her first week of class. So the following week, I prepared her lunch and packed “back-up” food in her lunch box. I bought everything she loves eating – chicken nuggets, yoghurt, animal crackers, apple juice (in Elmo juice boxes) and brought them to school as part of the contingency plan. It worked. Well, she ended up eating ONLY her back-up food (as expected) but at least she didn’t have an empty stomach while playing. After a few more days of back-up food, she eventually started eating her lunch in tiny bits and that made me one happy mommy.
4. Know When to Leave
Phoebe’s first day was horrible. I felt bad because she did not have a clue of what’s going to happen. After taking tons of pictures of her first snack, first meal with her classmates, I knew I had to go soon. But I didn’t. I waited until they went out to the outdoor playground. In hindsight, I think staying that long was not necessary. I thought Phoebe would have a hard time parting from me but it was actually the other way around – it was more difficult for me. I did not leave after 10 minutes (as discussed with the teachers) because I couldn’t. I was told that Phoebe stopped crying after a few minutes while I was still in the parking lot crying my heart out for 30 minutes. We, parents, need to know when to leave and let go. Believe it or not, it would be easier for our children too.
5. Talk Talk Talk
We, parents sometimes underestimate the capacity of our children to understand. Thinking back, I wish I talked to Phoebe more about school. Children may not understand each word we say but they have a very keen ability to know and feel what’s going on around them. It might or might not help her adjust but it is better than not to try at all. Even as an adult, I would hate it if someone would just drag me to an event without any explanation.
6. Be quick
Long and dramatic goodbyes would never work. It would just make matters worse. A quick kiss, wave of hand and “goodbye and have fun” may not be what many parents (like myself) would want to do but it is the more effective way to say goodbye to your child. It will not be easy but that’s how we can send them the right signal – that being without mom or dad for a few hours is not as bad as they think. Long goodbyes would make them feel more anxious and confused. Casual goodbyes work best.
Sometimes A lot of times, it’s the little things that make a huge difference in our children’s lives.
What worked for you and your child? Share your experiences in the comments section below.
